I Was Horrified to Learn I Had Thin Skin
The doctor assured me it wasn’t fatal
My dermatologist called me on my ride home from my appointment.
Everything okay with my scans? I asked, feeling vulnerable.
Mostly, she said, but I did find some Unaccountabilyitis, Denialitis, and potential
White Supremititis?
Jesus, I thought. I’d only made that appointment to see if she could reverse the aging process.
I was doing everything I could for my skin — face yoga, Botox, high-end creams with diamonds ground in, jade face rolling, golded masks created by Egyptians to preserve royalty as part of the mummification process.
Every day, I drank gallons of water, aloe, and collagen. I hadn’t smiled in over three decades. I soaked in a camomile and turmeric bath while I was menstruating so inflammation wouldn’t affect my aging process.
How bad is it? I asked her, audibly weeping and trying to get the attention of the driver in the car next to me, so he could see how upset I was.
It’s not great, my dermatologist said. Your skin is incredibly fragile so you’ll need to be careful when you travel outside of your bubble.
Was that a personal attack? I felt a deep urge to complain to a waitress about a dirty spoon, order a non-fat vanilla latte and send it back claiming it was lukewarm even though it was piping hot, or yell at that homeless man who set up his tent near my house lowering my real estate value.
Is there another name for what I have? I asked her.
Thin skin, she said.
I felt judged. It activated my PTSD from last summer when my next-door neighbor saw my cellulite ass at the club pool, and that’s was why she was getting lipo now. She’s said there was no connection but I could feel how much my cratery ass had affected her.
I googled thin skin on Web MD to study my diagnosis further. I couldn’t find that condition anywhere. I was starting to suspect my dermatologist had ulterior motives.
Is there another name for what I have? I asked her.
Caucasian, she said.
I googled it. It said white people: thin-skinned folks who believe the world is a magical place where they are waiting to be offended by something.
Wow, I thought. She’s an excellent dermatologist. That sounded exactly like what I had. I am definitely going to recommend her on Yelp.