One Out of Six People Never Play Russian Roulette Again

Car games have no happy endings

https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-and-child-inside-car-1117647/

We just returned home from a train, car, and ferry trip. The first part of the trip was 20 hours on Amtrak. That was after we waited two hours in Union Station with a bunch of Amish folks who, rumor has it, don’t believe in vaccines. Petri dish city, man. Don’t get me started. I was like, Where’s your buggy?

The Amish COVIDians all wore the same color schmatta except one woman who was wearing purple. What the hell did she do? I asked them, but they were Dutch and I speak with a Chicago accent. Apparently, my nasal doesn’t translate.

One brave heathen answered, “No comment,” but I’m sure they flogged him or made him trim his beard later. He had the same beard as my cousin in Portland so he wasn’t my type. Flipping hipsters. Have they infiltrated everything?

After hopping onto the Amish Hogwarts Express, we spent twenty hours on what felt like a land boat bumping around the Pacific. The food was nasty but on a twenty-hour train ride, hot food earns a 3-star Michelin rating. It’s like pizza for hostages. Yum, right? Who’s being picky? Not the guy who wants to get out of here alive.

Once we arrived in New Orleans, we rented a car and drove another 12 hours towards Austin. We got bored on the way and someone suggested Russian Roulette.

20 questions is only good when the person with the answer remembers the answer. No one knows what a noun is anymore, nor can anyone say how big a breadbox is. The best 20th question is always, “Am I getting close?” Someone who can ask that on their 20th question really knows how to let go and let god, man.

We only decided on Russian Roulette after 20 questions’ broke and we drove past 50 Let’s go Brandon signs and a nuclear power plant. I can’t remember whose idea Roulette was but I can tell you this. Five out of six people play Russian Roulette more than once. One person only plays it the-one time.

When we were setting up the game, my son said, “Why would anyone want to play this?” When I was about to answer, he said, “Wait. Are there prizes?”

The best thing about Russian Roulette on a road trip is by the time you get to the hotel, it’s cheaper. Can you believe hotels charge per person even if you’re all staying in one room?