PUSSY

If this word offends you, stop reading now

Dear Friends and Readers,

Yesterday, I stayed up late, writing an article where I used to word pussy six times and the word vagina six times. It was liberating. If you already feel uncomfortable, I have four suggestions for you.

  1. Get a vagina mirror, if you have a vagina, and look at your vagina and say to it “What’s up pussy?”

  2. Don’t read this newsletter, or the next article I send you because you’ll be offended and you’ll think I’m a pervert.

  3. Don’t read the article because you’ll think you’re a pervert. And, if you’re from that religion that makes you confess, you’ll have to say pussy in that box across from that priest behind the screen and he’ll think you’re a pervert. Even if he doesn’t tell you that, I know priests. Actually, I don’t, but it’s fun to say. Say it. “I know priests.” But don’t say it publicly. It’ll make people feel pretty uncomfortable and they’ll think you’re a pervert.

  4. Read the article because no one else is sending you dirty newsletters and what the hell, life is short.

    Yesterday, someone told me that their children’s sex education class at school used allegories instead of saying the word PUSSY and DINAGLING. I was offended.

    Apparently, the sex-ed teacher told the kids, “If you’re really drunk, don’t offer anyone tea.” I’m assuming tea is sex, but I’m 50. I know stuff. Some of these kids probably thought tea was Earl Grey or Chamomile. I’m also assuming that some of these kids got preggers and they were utterly confused cause they don’t even like tea.

    This is why I think the word pussy is important. Of course, vagina is a better word for men to use, but as a woman, I can call my bearded clam whatever I want. We need to embrace our sex organs, not give them cute PG nicknames that hide their power.

    Also, pussy is not a derogatory term. I know dudes like to call each other “PUSSY!” when they’re afraid to do stuff like chug beer or drive fast down a one-way street, but pussy is not an insult. It’s not a bad word.

    In fact, if I ever call you a pussy, the appropriate response from you would be “Thank you. Thank you very much.” In fact, if anyone ever calls you a pussy, take a bow. You’re in esteemed company.

    Signing off,

    Amy